Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
