Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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