You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
vagina is talking i cant
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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