I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
