i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
