i wish starbucks made bloody marys
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
