I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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