she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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