Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
