I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
