dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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