I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
