Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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