I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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