life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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