There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize