She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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