Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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