I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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