Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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