Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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