We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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