There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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