Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
This house was built for laser tag.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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