He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
