nut hugger
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
