Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
