can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
