Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
