I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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