i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
