are you so shy because you have an std?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
P.S. I can't hear my feet
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
