you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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