good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
