he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
