Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The best revenge is premature balding
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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