Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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