We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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