Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize