a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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