Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
