I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
