I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
