How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
