VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
