why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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