there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
