i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
