dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
