I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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