its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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