my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
