how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
