Umm I'm too high to move.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
