I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
