just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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