with your own penis?
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize