My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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