In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
