Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
