is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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