I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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