Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
