I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize