he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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