Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
