woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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