OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
