um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
