I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
