sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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